Fear

(Spider. September 2007. © Robin)

Fear is like a little garden spider that makes us jump back or the poor lost bee on the steering wheel that we blame for our automobile wreck. The problem in fear is our response — the way we treat animals or insects that frighten us … Fear is also the universal scapegoat we blame when we take flight from intimacy or shrink up inside ourselves in a thousand little ways.

~ Dan Millman

I’ve had a good look at some of my fears lately.   This quote says a lot to me in that it’s not my fear that is the problem as much as my response to it.  My response turns me into someone I don’t like very much.

I’d like to learn to handle fear in better ways.  I could be wrong but I think it would help to start by acknowledging the fear, maybe even accepting it, so that I can respond in a better way.  At the very least, this might allow me to think things through in a reasonable manner rather than in a knee-jerk, bring out all my brattiest tendencies, reaction.

Anyhow…

My thanks to everyone out there who has been sending up prayers, energy, and other variations on good vibes.  My mother is improving, and may be going home soon.  I’ve canceled my train ticket for tomorrow.  M and I might drive out on Saturday.

In the rain

(Longwood Gardens on a rainy night. December 2007. © Robin)

One of the things M and I did when we went back east was visit Longwood Gardens to see the holiday decorations. That was my birthday gift (along with a short stay in a beautiful B&B).

It rained and rained and rained. I forgot my tripod and my umbrella. My poor camera was pretty wet by the end of the evening. Most of the photos I took outdoors that night were either blurry or provided an all-too-close-up view of raindrops on the camera lens.

The lights at Longwood Gardens were amazing. I’d love to see them on a snowy night. I’m not sure they’d be as pretty as they were on that rainy night. The water provided some wonderful reflections.

I’m leaving very early tomorrow to head back east. Things have not gone well with my mother. Today might be a turning point, hopefully for the better. Keep your fingers crossed.